The Advice Everyone Needs After Breaking Up
Breaking up is agonizing no matter how peaceful the whole ordeal played out. Civil or not, it will never be easy regardless if you were the dumpee or the dumper. When a relationship ends, you question every decision you’ve made and doubt yourself for losing someone you never thought you would. Nevertheless, it is an experience that allows growth, self-realization, acceptance, and most importantly, self-love. When all the chips are down, all you have left to do is deal with the break up the best that you can.
Sometimes you have to lose someone to make way for new people in your life. At some point in your life, you would have to learn how to let some people and the pain they brought go. It is unhealthy to keep looking back at something that you cannot change only to lose yourself in the process. You need to make peace with yourself and accept that sometimes, love just can’t stay — and maybe it shouldn’t.
Grief is Necessary – Face It Bravely and Forgive
It is never easy to deal with grief that too often people would try to cover up. This is where your first mistake usually happens. Grieving can be quite the ride but, it is a ride that is necessary to get you to a better place. After all, you need to know what pain is to know how it feels without it. You have to understand that there are no quick ways out of the pain. There are five known stages of grief which you go through after breaking up and there absolutely is no shortcut to this.
Denial - "Where did I go wrong?"
Anger - "Why wasn’t I given another chance? Why didn’t they fight for us?"
Bargaining - "What can I do to make them love me again?"
Depression - "I miss them"
Acceptance - "I always wish them the best but it’s time to move on"
You have to go through each stage to move to the next. It takes courage to face grief. Doing so means acknowledging your recent loss and the changes around you. Most of all, you need to forgive yourself for what has happened. Sometimes break-ups happen not because you loved your former significant other less. Sometimes it happens because you loved yourself less.
Healing is a Process that Takes Time and Effort
After you’ve hit rock bottom, the only way left for you to go is up. The same goes with healing your broken heart. After you’ve cried all your tears and picked up the broken pieces, healing would come soon enough. But this is another thing that you cannot rush as well. It may take you weeks, months, or years for some to finally heal. This is not something you conspicuously do but rather something that happens on its own.
Nonetheless, you need to put in some effort for you to fully find your peace. Healing can only happen if you also help yourself. Stalking them on social media, going through old messages, and constantly reaching out to them can be your biggest stumbling block. You know yourself better than anyone else. Do whatever you think can and will help you. Who else can understand you better than yourself?
The End of One is the Start of Another
The end of your relationship is the start of another chapter in your life. This is your chance to explore the things you’ve never done when you were still in a relationship. This is your opportunity to get to know yourself after co-depending on a person for months or years. You are not the same person as you were before your relationship started and while it was still running.
There are big adjustments in your life now that you are on your own and it may take a while for you to get use to it. But you will become your own source of happiness eventually. You will continue to grow and learn. Allow yourself to grieve and cry but you have to continue living.
There is a Silver Lining for Everything
Your relationship happened on the time it was supposed to. It was time meant for you two. Unfortunately, all beautiful things run out of its glory. You need to keep in mind that this happens for all good reasons. There is always a silver lining to everything that has happened in your life. Maybe, they were ready to settle down and you are not. Maybe they are out of touch with their emotions while yours was an overflowing bucket that can’t be controlled. Maybe they trusted you and you were always doubting them. Maybe one way or another, the relationship would have had to end. Be grateful that it was sooner rather than later.
It takes time for you to see the previous signs and much longer time for you to see the good in this goodbye. Take a step back and you will eventually see that things might be different but it’s a good kind of different. You will seek explanation but you will understand everything one day.
Love Will Always Come Your Way
Lastly, you need to know that a new love will someday come to you when you least expect it. Life will reward you with a new love who will meet with you eye to eye, love you heart to heart, and will put forth the effort to make your international relationship last longer this time. This new love can be someone else or it can be the same person with a different perspective. Bottomline is, you do not give up on love because you had your heart broken.
The next time you fall in love, the pain and heartache now will make sense. When you fall in love again, it will feel a lot healthier, lighter, and a lot better. They will love you with the kind of love you deserve and in the way that you need. For now, all you can do is love yourself a little more. After all, how can you project love to other people when you lack love for yourself?
Breaking up will hurt and break you but you will get through it one day. The hardest part of loving is letting go but only the realest most genuine lovers can do so. In the end, you would still do anything to make them happy and so you do the only thing you can – you release them.