Breakup Coping Mechanisms After Long Term Relationships
Whether it’s a mutual or bad breakup, the end of a long-term relationship can be traumatizing. Suddenly, all the dreams and plans you built with your partner are nowhere to be found; you’re not on the same page anymore.
You’re just no longer part of each other’s routine.
Consequently, not everyone is brave enough to face this trauma. Not everyone is strong enough to go through all the phases of letting their previous relationship go. And not everyone is resilient enough to be able to start anew.
Thus, listed below are five of the most effective breakup coping mechanisms to help people recover from the failure of long term relationships:
Grieve. Allow Yourself to Heal Post Breakup
Grief can be frightening. You’ll never know how much pain you can take unless you recognize it. Worst of all, it can be destructive.
Keep in mind that not being able to recognize the pain will prevent you from moving forward.
One needs to remember that grief is a natural response to loss. It’s normal to feel these emotions after ending a relationship that has become a big part of you.
As such, don’t try to fight these feelings. Let yourself feel all the emotions: pain, unhappiness, devastation, longing, and loneliness.
It would also be better if you cry it out. Tell yourself that it’s okay to feel these unsettling emotions. It can be difficult to know how to cope with a breakup you don’t want, but you’ll see that these emotions will fade over time. By then, you’ll be able to see a clearer picture of what you should look forward to.
After all, grieving doesn’t last a lifetime.
Keep a journal. Write the pain out.
Coping through writing isn’t only limited to writers. In fact, there’s a study that backs writing as one of the most effective breakup coping mechanisms for ANYONE.
Simply jot down your feelings and thoughts about the breakup: how it happened, why it ended, why you are hurting, and why you need to move on. Confess them all in your journal.
Researchers Stephen J. Lepore and Melanie Greenberg have found that doing this for 20 minutes every day can help a person feel less guilty about a breakup and think less about their ex.
Another study states that narrative expressive writing is deemed most helpful when it comes to coping with a breakup. This doesn’t only include writing down your thoughts about the failed relationship, but also creating a story out of it.
Reflect. Use the pain to become better.
Despite the devastating effects that a breakup brings to a person, it’s also one great opportunity to figure things out and grow.
It’s the best time for you to prioritize yourself and divert attention to a part of you that was left out in the relationship. Instead of treating a breakup as an endpoint, look at it as a fresh start.
Find yourself a new hobby. Try to read books, make music, take a photography class, or explore mountains. Try to introduce your life in a new direction. These new activities will help you begin to feel comfortable alone from day to day.
Also, you can make more time for your friends and family. They will be more than happy to see that you’re doing fine and coping well.
Most importantly, take care of yourself more. Prioritize your health by getting plenty of rest. Be unapologetic when making decisions and confidently say no to situations that don’t benefit you.
You may not know how to move on after a breakup, but when you train yourself to focus on your wants and needs, you ultimately transform for the better.
Get Emotional Support. Talk to People.
No matter how difficult it is to express your feelings to other people, there will come a point where you will have to.
While it is essential to reflect on things on your own, asking for support is the best thing you can do for your mental health.
It’s not always about how to deal with a breakup alone, but being able to do so without damaging your sanity and well-being as well. Isolating yourself will not benefit you in the long run.
Your close friends and family members are always a phone call or text away. They have most probably gone through a breakup as well, so they can offer you advice from first hand experience. Through them, you can gain your confidence back.
Be socially active and try to branch out to other people for support. Meeting new people through traveling is a great way to do this. It will help you realize what you have been missing out on while you were in a relationship.
Aside from traveling, you can also join volunteer work, take a class, or be part of an organization.
If you must, you can also consult a therapist.
Never resort to substance abuse or alcohol.
After a breakup, the most typical advice anyone can give you is to drown yourself in alcohol to numb the pain. The pain of a broken heart might go away, but it’s only temporary. It will continue to consume you if you don’t properly address it.
Aside from being an ineffective solution, alcohol is awfully destructive to your health. To say that it’s deadly is an understatement. When you’re under the influence of alcohol, even your behavior becomes unreasonable. You become prone to fights and even accidents.
People who resort to drugs and alcohol are incapable of handling their emotions and addressing their problems. Be reasonable. Don’t do more harm to yourself when there are plenty of available, and healthier, alternatives you can choose from.
Don’t Rule Out Falling in Love
While it’s not okay to rush into new relationships immediately after a breakup, don’t resort to closing your doors for possible romantic relationships in the future.
Breakup coping mechanisms aren’t just there to help you heal. They also prepare you for your future long lasting relationships. As mentioned above, grief doesn’t take forever. There will always come a time where you’ll be ready to love and be loved again.
While your next romance isn’t in the picture yet, work on being the best version of yourself. Be ready to receive new love and become no longer affected by the remnants of your past.